This morning I woke up earlier than I usually do to give me time to write in this journal and listen to praise music. What a wonderful start to a wonderful day! For the morning I was assigned to help work at the Rescue Mission. (This is the place where people can come in off the streets to get food, medical care and attend church services). JD, John Jackson and Demonay stayed upstairs to lead the worship service, while the rest of us went down into the basement/food pantry to help move (heavy) boxes, sweep and lay rat traps. The two hours of heavy lifting took a toll on my arms and my energy, but I was glad to be able to help in whatever way they needed. And let's face it, I needed a good workout!
When we finished with the boxes the man in charge gave us our next task: painting the outside entrance of the Rescue Mission. Originally the walls displayed an orange color - but not a pretty orange, kind of a dirty, mad orange. The man had picked out a beautiful sky blue in an attempt to be more welcoming and to elicit more positive feelings from visitors. We started slapping paint onto the walls and almost immediately passersby commented on how pretty they thought the color was. Only half the walls completed, this blue positively impacted onlookers. I am proud to have been part of a team who worked on a project that had such a positive effect on the TL residents.
After lunch I was assigned to work at "TL Revive". Revive is basically a free place where people can come to just hang out during the day to stay off the streets and be loved on. Set up in the building are many tables. One designated for drawing or painting, one for women to get their nails painted, one with board games, and one in the back with coffee and snacks. There were many chairs set up and even a photo booth area that printed out the pictures afterward!
O'Neill was one of the first men to walk in around 2:30 p.m. A young-looking fellow with a beanie and a backpack on, he seemed like a safe person to approach. I walked up to introduce myself and showed him the various tables of potential activities. He was only interested in the coffee, so I brewed a fresh pot then sat with him to talk. More accurately stated, I sat with him and listened. For two hours. TWO HOURS. And I had no idea what he was talking about. All he needed was someone to share his ideas with and I am glad I could be that person for him today.
After closing time we left for 230 Jones where there was a community worship night. Mission groups and TL residents both merged together singing and praising the Lord. It was a beautiful sight to witness. When these people have literally nothing they cling to the power and love of Jesus Christ because that's the only hope they have. They maneuver with such an inspiring child-like faith.
-PRIDE CHECK-
In the morning after breakfast, Madelyn told me I should try interpreting for Margaret. Margaret and Casey are two girls who are part of our church and who are also part of the Deaf community at SFA. I have taken almost two semesters of American Sign Language so I am able to communicate conversationally with Margaret and Casey. But I have never tried interpreting for them. Initially I told Madelyn no because I didn't think I was capable, but she urged me to so I said I would try.
Another interpreter, Martin, sat with me on the stage in front of everyone to help me when I needed it. I interpreted the announcements and didn't have much trouble (announcements are common words and common signs I knew), but when other people started talking and telling stories, I didn't know some words so Martin started to help me. But then he quickly took over interpreting completely and left me just sitting there watching him. This frustrated me. I felt like a failure and felt embarrassed that everyone in the audience could see that I failed. I knew he didn't take over to be mean or rude, but it still frustrated me. Once the speaker began preaching Madelyn took my spot and I found a seat in the audience to listen.
At first this situation hurt my pride because Martin didn't think I could sign and interpret adequately enough for Margaret. I know I wasn't great, but I was trying and doing fine. It also hurt my pride because my failure was so visible to so many people. I lingered on this hurt feeling for about 10 minutes and processed through the reason I felt that way and tried to figure out where my heart was. My heart was not in the right place. These feelings I developed were from a selfish heart. The point of interpreting was to help Margaret understand when someone was talking so she wouldn't have that communication barrier. I made the interpreting about my abilities, my performance, my failing, and my struggle with my fear of failure.
Once I acknowledged this fault in my heart I quickly addressed it, processed through my thought patterns, and then reminded myself that this was not about me. This trip and this situation were not meant to put me in the center of attention - and that's what I was twisting them into - another thing that was all about me. This situation also shined light on the fact that I wasn't the best at something (and if you know me, you know I'm competitive and love being good at anything and everything), but I wasn't super fluent in ASL yet, which forced me to be humbled by that.
At the beginning of this trip I prayed about and wrote:
"This trip is not about me and my capabilities, but about God and how He uses the incapable to do His work. I have to keep reminding myself of this. It's very easy for me to turn everything around and make the things in my life centered around me. This trip I am determined and excited about making an entire week centered around God and serving others."
I believe this experience was part of God's process of humbling and reminding me that this trip was not centered around me. I also believe He used it to show me where my heart actually was so I could address and change it. I've been learning so much about being aware of my thought patterns and processing through the origin of my specific emotions, and also discerning if my emotions are justified or just selfish. This has helped me grow so much in my faith and mature as a person in general.
I thank God for humbling me through this circumstance. Pride is one thing I have to address daily, but now being aware of it as soon as it enters my heart, I am able to check it quickly and move on with a humbler heart. I pray for a humble heart every single day.
When we finished with the boxes the man in charge gave us our next task: painting the outside entrance of the Rescue Mission. Originally the walls displayed an orange color - but not a pretty orange, kind of a dirty, mad orange. The man had picked out a beautiful sky blue in an attempt to be more welcoming and to elicit more positive feelings from visitors. We started slapping paint onto the walls and almost immediately passersby commented on how pretty they thought the color was. Only half the walls completed, this blue positively impacted onlookers. I am proud to have been part of a team who worked on a project that had such a positive effect on the TL residents.
After lunch I was assigned to work at "TL Revive". Revive is basically a free place where people can come to just hang out during the day to stay off the streets and be loved on. Set up in the building are many tables. One designated for drawing or painting, one for women to get their nails painted, one with board games, and one in the back with coffee and snacks. There were many chairs set up and even a photo booth area that printed out the pictures afterward!
O'Neill was one of the first men to walk in around 2:30 p.m. A young-looking fellow with a beanie and a backpack on, he seemed like a safe person to approach. I walked up to introduce myself and showed him the various tables of potential activities. He was only interested in the coffee, so I brewed a fresh pot then sat with him to talk. More accurately stated, I sat with him and listened. For two hours. TWO HOURS. And I had no idea what he was talking about. All he needed was someone to share his ideas with and I am glad I could be that person for him today.
After closing time we left for 230 Jones where there was a community worship night. Mission groups and TL residents both merged together singing and praising the Lord. It was a beautiful sight to witness. When these people have literally nothing they cling to the power and love of Jesus Christ because that's the only hope they have. They maneuver with such an inspiring child-like faith.
-PRIDE CHECK-
In the morning after breakfast, Madelyn told me I should try interpreting for Margaret. Margaret and Casey are two girls who are part of our church and who are also part of the Deaf community at SFA. I have taken almost two semesters of American Sign Language so I am able to communicate conversationally with Margaret and Casey. But I have never tried interpreting for them. Initially I told Madelyn no because I didn't think I was capable, but she urged me to so I said I would try.
Another interpreter, Martin, sat with me on the stage in front of everyone to help me when I needed it. I interpreted the announcements and didn't have much trouble (announcements are common words and common signs I knew), but when other people started talking and telling stories, I didn't know some words so Martin started to help me. But then he quickly took over interpreting completely and left me just sitting there watching him. This frustrated me. I felt like a failure and felt embarrassed that everyone in the audience could see that I failed. I knew he didn't take over to be mean or rude, but it still frustrated me. Once the speaker began preaching Madelyn took my spot and I found a seat in the audience to listen.
At first this situation hurt my pride because Martin didn't think I could sign and interpret adequately enough for Margaret. I know I wasn't great, but I was trying and doing fine. It also hurt my pride because my failure was so visible to so many people. I lingered on this hurt feeling for about 10 minutes and processed through the reason I felt that way and tried to figure out where my heart was. My heart was not in the right place. These feelings I developed were from a selfish heart. The point of interpreting was to help Margaret understand when someone was talking so she wouldn't have that communication barrier. I made the interpreting about my abilities, my performance, my failing, and my struggle with my fear of failure.
Once I acknowledged this fault in my heart I quickly addressed it, processed through my thought patterns, and then reminded myself that this was not about me. This trip and this situation were not meant to put me in the center of attention - and that's what I was twisting them into - another thing that was all about me. This situation also shined light on the fact that I wasn't the best at something (and if you know me, you know I'm competitive and love being good at anything and everything), but I wasn't super fluent in ASL yet, which forced me to be humbled by that.
At the beginning of this trip I prayed about and wrote:
"This trip is not about me and my capabilities, but about God and how He uses the incapable to do His work. I have to keep reminding myself of this. It's very easy for me to turn everything around and make the things in my life centered around me. This trip I am determined and excited about making an entire week centered around God and serving others."
I believe this experience was part of God's process of humbling and reminding me that this trip was not centered around me. I also believe He used it to show me where my heart actually was so I could address and change it. I've been learning so much about being aware of my thought patterns and processing through the origin of my specific emotions, and also discerning if my emotions are justified or just selfish. This has helped me grow so much in my faith and mature as a person in general.
I thank God for humbling me through this circumstance. Pride is one thing I have to address daily, but now being aware of it as soon as it enters my heart, I am able to check it quickly and move on with a humbler heart. I pray for a humble heart every single day.
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